Just because I've never worn stiletto heels that doesn't rule out that I get it. OK, so I once tried to appeal to her intelligence by describing how they get palmettos inside the tiny olives and she replied, "Pimentos, not palmettos- they're trees". I should've stuck to what I know about, like getting rid of pubic lice with lighter fluid and an ice pick (set fire to the area and stab them as they scramble). Dating never was my strength but I could kill doing the 60s version of phone sex - long conversations filled with finely delivered tenderness showing empathy and hiding the boner in my khakis. Lost art now replaced with texted 'Sup? Me - "you're so cute I could eat you up." Girlfriend - you spelt out* funny. Or "let's make shit awkward". It doesn't matter because telegraphers used to ask faceless telegraphers if they ever experienced a hum job in Morse code. I supposedly left love notes from various women in boxes in my former attic which were read aloud after I skipped town. Shitty but good examples of word power to dissolve any semblance of redemption.

I came suddenly, a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg.
~Jonathan Littell, The Kindly Ones (2009)